If This is What it's like to Grow up...

... I'd rather stay a child forever.

Because if being an adult means
that I cannot make mistakes
that I have to always watch my back
that I have to lose part of myself to be a part of something else
that I'm supposed to have things figured out
that pain is just something I've gotta learn to live with
that guilt can and will compel me to do strange things
that I will have to bend over backwards to please other people
that waking up to face the world everyday is a chore
that I am going to be obliged to meet expectations
that fear cripples and destroys while you put on a brave face in front of the world
that people will talk, and judge, and say things about me that aren't true
that my needs and wants and hopes and dreams
are as irrelevant as the rat that scurries past the sewers

My heart hurts, my head's in a blur,
and this is all a mess.

I would run,
but where can one go to escape oneself?

Hold me, hold me close,
for I fear (or does that exist) that I am slipping away

Hello from the Other Side...

... at least I can say that I tried.

Well, hello, 2016.
Is it just me, or is the whole "new year new you" thing absolutely overrated?

Eh, either way, however "new" you want to recreate yourself to be,
the truth is, life goes on for other people,
and time doesn't stop to admire how "new" you've become.

I really don't feel like talking about the aspirations I have for the new year.
(Because really, in a matter of 3 months, it won't be new anymore hahaha)

No, what I do want to talk (or perhaps rant) about, is how people keep asking "what's next?"
"So, you graduated secondary school, eh? What's your next plan?"
"Congrats on graduating uni! Have you sent out job applications yet?"
"Oh, you've got a boyfriend now! When are you planning to tie the knot?"
"Wooh you're finally married! Kids soon? (wink)"
"Wow, you finally quit that job! What're you gonna do now?"

DUDE, I JUST WENT THROUGH A HUGE EVENT IN MY LIFE!
Can I not just like, take a chill pill, and look back and enjoy my achievements,
without you pestering me about what I need to do next?

I don't mean to dispute the fact that planning ahead is wise behaviour,
for the old saying goes, "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail", right?
But if planning ahead causes you to lose sight of the present,
then I'd strongly suggest a reality check.

Life happens in seasons.
Heck, seasons happen in seasons.
Winter comes after autumn, spring before summer,
and while it's perfectly fine to have summer plans when it's snowing outside,
there is absolutely nothing wrong with skating on frozen lakes,
and making snow angels on the ground.
(meanwhile all of this is imaginary because we had an insanely warm winter worldwide, but anyway)

My point is, every season has its lessons,
and unless we take the time to live in the season that we are in,
and learn the lessons that it brings,
any amount of planning for the next season will fall short.
We were put in this phase of our lives for a reason,
and we all have things that we need to learn, revelations to realise, epiphanies to happen,
before we can truly move on.

Unless you discover what interests you in high school,
you won't be able to decide with full confidence what you wanna do next.
Unless you learn how to be in a relationship,
you're not gonna want to even consider marriage.
Unless you first and foremost learn how to be a married couple,
you so won't be able to do the parenting thing well.

So yes. Since we're in the new year and learning new things and new resolutions and stuff,
perhaps let's do each other a favour,
and maybe not bug each other so much about "what's next";
but instead, journey with each other through the present.
Yeah sure, plan ahead wisely,
but let's not forget to live, love, and learn lessons in the now, today.

Because sooner than you have finished reading this sentence,
this second would have become last second.

Live now,
Eilvane <3